Tuesday, April 3, 2007

A Lesson in Human History - Author Unknown

The following was discovered in the Spanky library and composed by unknown author. While I find no accompanying sources - it could happen. Does your family history have any resemblance to this thesis and if so, do you feel your political outlook has been shaped by your family history? What say you?
A Lesson in Human History
The division of the human family into its two distinct political branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.

The pivotal event of societal evolution was the invention of beer.This epochal event was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so it was necessary to stick close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer.
This was the beginning of the conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement. An interesting evolutionary side note: some of these early liberal men eventually evolved into women.

Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that the conservatives provided.

Over the years, conservatives became to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth.

Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists,dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, They eat red meat, and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters,rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes,and generally anyone who works productively outside government.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the wild west was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. -- Lyndon B. Johnson

Blogomania On The Rough Side

I offer kudos to Michelle of Cenlamedia for opening dialogue between the rabble and the media. My only wish is that folk would be a bit more civil.
When I was a younger person and on an occasion that I was not being particularly diplomatic or pleasant, a gentleman older than I reminded me that one could catch more flies with sugar than with vinegar. Not that anyone reading this may have a particular interest in collecting flies, but should understand the gist of the saying. Am I being overly sensitive or are Cenlamedia posters being extraordinarily surly??? Or have good manners just gone out of style??

Monday, April 2, 2007

Positively Positive Suggestions

OK, I have done it to myself now and have absolutely overdosed on negativity, so, the new rule on this post is, if you bring a problem you must bring a solution. The subject base is wide-open and the only moderated comments will be the abusive ones. By the way, everyone to date has been non-abusive so it is possible to conduct a dialogue in a civil manner. I have not rejected the first post. Have a wonderful Monday and know that for all of the nay saying, we are still a city where strangers greet and talk like old friends - a rare quality my years of traveling have revealed to me.